Why "Don't Get Your Hopes Up" is Terrible Advice

HOLD UP. We gotta talk about this phrase “Don’t get your hopes up.”

You don’t want me to feel a good emotion in case there’s a bad emotion coming?

That’s like saying, don’t enjoy the ride in case the destination sucks.

Whaaaaaat?!

When you don’t let yourself get your hopes up, you’re literally STEALING joy from yourself.

The anticipation of achieving a goal is almost always THE BEST BIT!

When you achieve it, you’ll probably celebrate for 5 minutes and want to set a new goal anyway. So enjoy the ride. Get your hopes up.

Plus, here’s what I think about you: I think you’re strong enough to handle the disappointment of not achieving your money goal, or of getting rejected by a job, or of not winning a competition.

I think you can handle it.

Get your hopes up, have an amazing time anticipating the wonderful joy ahead of you – and then if you don’t achieve it, at least you’ll have had fun along the way.

Getting your hopes up is a beautiful thing. Gift it to yourself and others!

The Identity Paradox

The identity paradox is this:

You have to be the person who has hit your goal before you can be the person who has hit your goal.

You have to embody them. Step into the role. Walk like them, talk like them, act like them in every way.

Only then will you be able to hit your goal – once you ARE the person who can hit your goal.

Don't Reinvent the Wheel

Yesterday, while planning what content to create next, I broke my own number one rule: Always create a simple plan.

Instead, I got swept up in the moment and decided to create a complicated plan, with bells and whistles and cherries on top.

I made a content calendar with stickers and tabs and color-coded markers.

I cooked up ideas for 6 different kinds of content (videos, reels, posts, quotes, stories, livestreams).

I worried about unnecessary details (should I do music or voiceovers with my reels?).

And within 30 minutes, I found myself so overwhelmed I was nearly in tears.

Over a content calendar.

I felt like Kim Kardashian in that episode where she loses her earring in the ocean and has a full on breakdown.

And then I remembered something really important: the wheel has already been invented.

And it works excellently. No need to create a content calendar or a social media strategy or ANYTHING.

A reminder of my simple plan that's been working for years:

1. Create valuable content.

2. Post it.

What’s your simple plan?

Do your goals feel like problems?

Do your goals feel like problems?

A goal to create your first client becomes “the problem of not having clients.”

A goal to write your first book becomes “the problem of getting myself to write.”

A goal to feel fit and healthy becomes “the problem of self control.”

What used to feel light and exciting now fills you with feelings of dread and inadequacy.

If you see your goals as problems, you’ll always have problems – because there will always be another level, another bar to hit.

But if you decide to look at it like a project, it will be fun.

The Writing Project is a lot more fun than The Writing Problem, right?

What project are you working on?

700 Days of Blogging

Today I hit 700 days of blogging in a row.

That means there’s 30 days left until I’ve officially done two years in a row.

I’m so grateful for this chapter (or 700 mini chapters).

And I can’t wait to begin a new one. I LOVE writing, and I LOVE blogging. 

But I’m even more in love with setting new impossible goals.

I can’t wait to share what I’ve got coming.

Decide to Take Action Right Now

It doesn’t have to be a new week, or a new year or a birthday – you can decide to make a giant change, right now.

Everything can change because in this exact moment, you decide it’s going to change.

That’s how I became a runner. 

It was a random Tuesday of no real significance. 

I just had a lightning bolt moment of “I’m sick of thinking about running – I’m deciding RIGHT NOW, I’m doing this.” 

And then I ran nearly single day that entire summer.

One day, when you’re ultra successful and you’re being interviewed about your incredible success, they’ll ask “How did it all begin?”

And you’ll say “I just made a decision one day.” 

That day could be today.

Decide right now to do the thing you’ve been putting off.

Sometimes it really is that simple.

June 2021 Goals Update

We’re two-thirds through the month and I know that the more I hold myself accountable to my goals throughout the month, the better I do overall – so here’s me, holding myself accountable:

1. Double my emergency fund
   I did it! Woohoo! This was a goal I’d left for quarter four but managed to get done by now. If you don’t have an emergency fund, I definitely recommend checking out the Baby Steps by Dave Ramsey!

2. Do a cardio workout at least 4x a week
   I have been struggling to get 4x workouts per week in like I’d planned to (only managing two – but I have a plan to increase it!), but after watching The Bold Type, I’m now obsessed with wanting to try SoulCycle. Candlelit cardio x motivational speaker x disco party?! Someone start a SoulCycle in New Zealand, please. (In the meantime I’ve committed to trying out a regular spin class).

3. Join a dance class with Daniel
   We have joined a Swing Dancing class and it’s a ton of fun – we always leave on a high! We’re also on the waitlist for a pottery throwing class and a screen-printing class (because the idea of this goal is to do more together – to be deliberately connected and engaged in activities together instead of just living alongside one another, which is an easy pattern to fall into, amiright?).

4. Actively revisit the Ultimate Relationship Program with Tony Robbins
   We haven’t started back into it yet, but it’s in our calendar for this week!

All in all, I’m giving myself a 6/10 on my goal-getting this month so far. Time to get my booty into gear and get that number up before June 30!

How are your June goals going?

Run Fast, Not Hard

I was a kid when I realised that for me, balance is never going to look like a chilled out day and then watching TV in the evening.

I like to push myself to the limit. A lot.

But not all the time.

For me, balance means periods of intensity followed by periods of rest.

Former Olympic physiologist, Dr. Wells, suggests the idea “Run Fast, Not Hard.” Which I LOVE.

The idea of working 24/7 doesn’t appeal to me.

But some days, I will work all day, because I LOVE it.

Then I’ll take it easy.

Balance isn’t about even slices of the pie.

It’s about balancing a big slice with a little slice later.

Goals & Standards

Tony Robbins says “I don’t have goals, I have standards.”

And even though I’m a huge goals fan (surprise!), I love this concept.

Because when you have a standard wired to your identity, you will always hit it.

If you have a standard to always be on time to pick your kids up from school, you will.

If you have a goal to do it, it’s a target to hit or miss.

A standard is definite.

See your goals as standards to meet.

High Stakes & Discomfort

“Things aren’t that interesting to me unless the stakes are very high.”
– Jimmy Chin, Adventure Photographer

“It’s not that I don’t like being comfortable. It’s just the lowest thing on my priority list.”

– Matheson Brown, Extreme Sportman

Food for thought today.