Random Acts of Honesty
I got given this mindset journaling prompt by a coach: What would I be afraid for people to find out? Now go and share it.
Ahhhhh! That brings up SO many icky feelings. YES, I want to be honest and authentic, but on the internet, really? Do I have to? Yes. I’m challenging myself to share the stuff I don’t want to share for two reasons:
I hope it encourages you - by knowing that not everything is perfect in my life, I hope that you get strength from that and know that everything doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be amazing.
Because I don’t want to have any “secrets”. I want to feel FREE. If I share the truth about my life, then no one can expose me, right?
Okay, here’s to random acts of honesty:
Even though I run my own business, I also do freelance work (social media management) on the side to ensure a stable income every month. In coaching, some months you’ve got lots of clients, and then sometimes you have none. It can be super scary. Before I got my freelance job, I spent a month wearing sunglasses inside because I’d broken my regular glasses and couldn’t afford a new pair because I didn’t have any clients that month. I even went to the movies and had to wear them, haha! I’ve casually mentioned it before that I do freelancing, but I’ve been scared to “announce” it, because I worry people won’t think I’m successful enough to hire me if I don’t earn a full time income as a coach. But I know I’m a great coach - and the number of clients I have month to month has nothing to do with my coaching skills, only my marketing skills (which I’ll admit, I need to work on!).
One of my biggest fears is a media storm. When the Everest Film came out in 2015, there was this one article done about me, titled “Sarah Arnold-Hall: Where Is She Now?”. I’m scared that one day, someone is going to find my blog and my business and share it with the world before I feel “successful enough”. I’m afraid it will get international coverage like the last one, and I’ll have my half-done website and cringe YouTube videos broadcasted to the world before I have a chance to prove what I can really do. Kind of like if it were your first time painting a portrait in art class, and then halfway through, someone showed it to the whole school. You’d be like, “Wait! Don’t show everyone, it’s not ready yet! I can do better! Don’t judge me based off this!”. Haha - a silly example, but do you know what I mean?
I compare myself to others success - not often (doing mindset work on it!), but when I do, it’s ugly! I’ve been procrastinating creating YouTube videos because I feel like my house isn’t “pretty enough” like other YouTubers. And if my house isn’t pretty enough, then people won’t think I’m successful enough… blah blah blah.” You know, it’s really interesting writing these out - I can see where I need to do more mindset work! I’ve spent the last 2 weeks irritated that our walls are painted Magnolia and not White. Of course, I won’t let it stop me long term, but it’s amazing how the silly details like comparing yourself to other people can make you procrastinate!
Body confidence is a thing I’m working on, particularly on loving my beauty spots. I’ve spent at least the last 10 years disgusted that I have two brown spots on my cheek. I’ve tried loads of makeup to cover them up, always made sure to be photographed on my “good side” and spent far too much time analysing dermatologist websites to see if they can remove them. What a waste of time! It’s only in the last few months, after finally realising that I can’t get them removed without scarring that I’m trying to come to peace with them. I can hear how ridiculous this sounds as I’m writing it. There are people starving, and I’m worried about two marks on my face?! But the self confidence and body positivity movement doesn’t seem to include slim women and men. And I think faces should be included in the body positivity movement too!
I get messages every single day from strangers grieving for me that I lost my dad. It’s the most bizarre experience to pick your phone up at breakfast, and lunch, and dinner and find that someone is sorry for your loss that happened 23 years ago, before you were born. It feels a bit like I’m attending a virtual funeral every time I open my DM’s. Sometimes there are even voice messages of people in floods of tears. 95% of the messages are from men, and at least 10% of them also contain a request to date/meet up. I’ve been proposed to 6 times on Instagram messenger. And one guy actually straight up told me we were getting married, he didn’t even ask. Haha! However, apart from the really weird messages, I do appreciate the love I receive, and I’m incredibly grateful for every kind and loving message. If you’ve ever sent one of those and I haven’t replied, it’s because I get hundreds of messages every week. You can show your support by engaging with my current content (and then I might reply!). I’ve been afraid to share this, because I don’t want people to think I’m not grateful. I just want you to know I’m happy and I don’t reply because I don’t want to talk about it with everyone all the time.
I owe my boyfriend $2000. I feel like “debt” is something people don’t talk about enough. We hide it, because we are all trying to give off the appearance that we’ve got our entire lives together. I’m here to tell you that no one has it all together. And it’s okay if you have debt. It doesn’t make you a lesser person. It just means it’s time to learn to handle money better! (Guilty!)
I’m afraid to talk about the Everest film online incase it defines me. Right now, people know me for that. I hope to become better known for who I am and what I do in the personal development world, that people find me for me and learn my history afterwards.
I live in an apartment with other people! (Why is this so taboo? Sorry I don’t own a house at 23 haha!) When my partner Daniel and I moved to the UK, we had the option to rent a house to ourselves, or share a house with other people. We actually make a conscious decision to move in with other people, because we were afraid of becoming isolated (especially since I work from home all day in my business and as a freelancer). It costs the same to get a room in a flat in central Brighton as an entire 3 bedroom house in Cardiff.
I’ve never had an alcoholic drink in my life. I went through 3 years of partying at University and never touched drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. I’m afraid of talking about it even though I KNOW it would help someone out there (would have really helped me to have more role models who didn’t drink!). I’ve had conversations before with people who judge me because they think I’m judging THEM for their actions by not drinking. But my decision not to drink has nothing to do with you. Most of my friends drink, and I don’t have a problem with that! But I still get embarrassed telling people I don’t drink sometimes. Working on it!
I think that’s enough truth serum for one day! I actually do feel a weight lifted of my chest. If you feel called to write your own Random Acts of Honesty, let me know! (I would love to not be the only one sharing her secrets on the internet!).
