I am enough

There are 4 words that can describe the root of so many of our problems: I am not enough.

Tonight I went to London to see Superstar, a play by actress Nicola Wren, about her desire for superstardom and her longing for her siblings’ admiration. (One of her siblings happens to be Chris Martin from ColdPlay – and the play is, in part, her “coming out” as Chris’ sister. Highly recommend it, it was brilliant).

The theme “I am not enough” came up time and time again.

From the age of 7, Nicola narrated a story inside her head that the way to get approval from her siblings, the way to receive their love, was to be a giant success as an actress, so they could say “I’m so proud of you!”

And the thing is, famous family member or not, we all want to feel like we are enough. Smart enough, beautiful enough, successful enough, wealthy enough... It’s not a quality we are born with, it’s one we adopt from an early age. Babies don’t come out of the womb believing they aren’t good enough, the feeling of inadequacy is indoctrinated into us. As renowned psychotherapist, Marisa Peer says: Babies don’t think “Oh, don’t look at me! I’m not beautiful enough! I’m not successful enough!” They feel 100% worthy of your attention, even when they cry and poop and make a complete mess. They believe they are worthy of love, just for existing.

And they are.

As time goes on, we begin to believe that we must earn love, by doing or being a certain way. And it’s a horrible lie.

So how do we get out of this awful predicament?

By changing the story in our heads from “I will when enough when...” to simply “I am enough.”

I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.