I went to the salon today and it was wonderful, 4 hours of getting pampered (I’m not usually someone who does anything like that, but I got invited to go, so it was such a treat).

But during those 4 hours, I had a lot of time to think, and I realised something kind of phenomenal about the interactions around me. People were sabotaging their own happiness the moment they stepped in the door.

Receptionist: ”Hi, how are you?”
Customer: ”Not bad”

And then another one. And another one. Same thing. “Not bad.”

And I just thought, woah.

What even is “not bad”?

It doesn’t actually give much information at all. Are you good? Sad? Ecstatic? Upset? Excited? Lonely? Warm?

Here’s why I don’t think it’s a good response: when you get in the habit of answering “not bad” to "how are you?” you are training yourself to hear the word “bad” all the time. And your brain is like ‘Oh okay, we’re doing bad today’. And because of something called confirmation bias (searching for information to support your beliefs, and ignoring information that doesn’t support your beliefs) you’ll come up with reasons to support that statement. E.g. I don’t want them to overcharge me, I hope I don’t get a bad haircut, I’m too busy for this… You’re literally training yourself to believe you’re feeling bad, all day long.

It’s like a subtle form of complaining, that you don’t even realise you’re doing.

When someone asks you how you are, it’s actually an opportunity for you to DECIDE how you want to be in that interaction. Do you want the interaction to go negatively? Then use keep using a negative word, like “bad” in the sentence you greet someone with.

Imagine if instead, you started saying “I’m excellent!” anytime someone asked you. Your brain will come up with reasons to support that statement. E.g. It’s a beautiful day, I’m here at the salon, about to get pampered, everyone is really friendly… And you’ll start off that interaction the way you’d like it to go.

(This is especially important if you stand to gain something from that interaction or relationship, right? Because if you want something from that person (or might want their help in the future), it pays to bring a positive energy to the conversation.)

Unless I really am feeling totally rubbish, I try to say “I’m excellent!” because it reminds me that you know what? I AM doing excellently! I’m alive, I’m free, I have food, water, shelter, I’m healthy, I’ve got friends and family and opportunities. Oh yes, I remember I’m excellent! Fabulous! Wonderful! Marvellous! Spectacular!

What a beautiful world it would be if we entered every conversation remembering how spectacular our lives really are.